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Monday

Хөврөх бодол...

Нэг хүний хүч юу билээ? Би ганцаараа хичээлээ, зорилоо гэхэд юу хийж чадах билээ? Аль дээр үеэс л цувж явсан бараас цуглаж суусан шаазгай дээр гээд, ганцын биш олны хүчийг илүүд тавьж байсан бишүү? Тэгэхээр би энд хэчнээн тэлчлээд ч юунд хүрээ билээ...

Сайхан шалтаг шүү, юу ч хийхгүй зүгээр суух хүнд бол. Гэвч харанхуй байна гээд зүгээр суугаад байвал харанхуй хэвээрээ л байгаад байна. Чиний зурсан ганц шүдэнзнээс гарсан гэрлийг харсан хэн нэгэн бас шүдэнз зурах биз. Тэрнээс дараагийнх нь гэх мэт. Чиний зурсан шүдэнз асаад унтарсан байлаа  ч гэсэн сүүмэлзэх бяцхан гэрлээс санаа сэдэл аван ассан олон мянган шүдэнзний гэрэл цааш тулганд дүрэлзэх галын хэмжээнд очиж олныг гэрэлтүүлэн дулаацуулах болно.

Хэн нэг нь зурна биз гээд хүлээгээд байвал бусад нь ч гэсэн хүлээгээд л суугаад байх юм билүү. Чиний гаргасан гэрэл цаашид олон мянган хүнийг гэрэлтүүлж байна гэвэл хичнээн сайхан...

Хэн ч шүдэнз зурахгүй байгаад байвал гэнэт цахилгаан цахиж, аянга ниргэж, хүмүний бус хүчээр гэрлийг мэдрүүлж болох ч тийм гэрэл хүмүүст илч дулааныг авчрахаасаа илүүтэй айдас хүйдсийг л авчрах болов уу. Тиймээс өөрөөсөө гэрлийг эхлэн түгээх нь хамгаас аюулгүй арга юм байна.

Хичнээн цаг хугацаа шаардагдсан ч шантрахгүй, зорилгоосоо буцахгүй байх чадал тэнхээ чамд байна уу? Оролдлого сайт оройд нь хүрдэг гэдэг. Замын дундаас буцвал эхэлсний хэрэг юун гээд эхлэхгүй суух ч бас амархан л даа. Энэ л миний одоогийн үнэн төрх болчихоод байна. Гэвч өөрөөсөө гэрэл гаргах хэрэгтэй, чамаас өмнө хэн нэг нь аль хэдийн нэг байтугай нилээдгүй шүдэнз зурчихаад байна. Тэр буухиаг таслахгүй үргэлжүүлэх үүрэг чамд оногдоод байгааг ухаарч байна уу?


Унтарсан ч гэсэн ахиад л зураад л бай л даа, огт унтраахгүй байж чаддаггүй юм гэхэд ахиад асаах гээд оролд л доо... юм гэдэг чинь хугацаатай юм гэнэ лээ, ингэж их оролдоод (өөртөө л оролдсон мэт санагдсан хэрэг) бүтээгүй юм чинь одоо тэр хугацаа нь болчихоо байлгүй, яршиг дөө, орхиё... үгүй дээ, чи ингэж олон дахин оролдож байж зорьсондоо хүрэх ёстой ч юм билүү???

Wednesday


Ардын жүжигчин Чимэдцэеэ гуайн дуулсан “Тэнгэр ээж минь өршөө” дууг Увертура гэх сонин нэртэй хамтлаг шинэ маягаар дуулсныг дахин дахин шимтэн сонсон сууна. Тэгээд бодогдсон зүйлсээ сийрүүлэн буулгахаар суугаа минь энэ.

“Дуунаас ухаарал авдаг”, “Үг нь зэмлэж, ая нь аргаддаг” гээд л дуу хуурыг магтсан өчнөөн л үгс хэлэлцэхийг сонссон билээ. Мөн “Сайхан сэтгэлтэй хүн сайхан дуулдаг” гэж сонсож байсан билээ. Хаа нэгтээ хүмүүсээс сайхан дуулах юм гэх үг сонсоод дотроо баясна. Гэсэн ч ямар ч сайхан дууг хэн гээч дуучны дуулснаар, ямархан нөхцөл байдалд, ямархан цаг мөчид сонссоноос тухайн сонсогчид нөлөөлөх нь өөр өөр байдаг бололтой юм.

Бага байхад дуурийн, эсвэл уртын дуу сонсоод ямар уйтгартай юм бэ гэж боддог байсан нь хүүхэд насны дэврүүн мөрөөдөлтэй нь холбоотой, хөнгөн хэмнэлтэй аялгуунд ихээхэн татагддаг байсных биз. Арай том болоод ангийнхан гадаад дуу сонирхон сонсож, даган хошуурч байхад хөдөөний юмуу, хөгшин юмуу гэж хэлүүлэн байж ардын богино дуу болон нийтийн гэгдэх дууг илүүтэй шимтэн сонсдог байлаа. Харин дээд боловсрол эзэмшинэ хэмээн хилийн дээс алхсанаас хойш монгол л дуу бол ардын байна уу, уртын байна уу, рок байна уу, огтхон ялгахгүйгээр уяран байж, нулимс дуслуулан байж сонсдог болов. Тэр үеэс л уртын дуунаас цэлгэр талын эгшиг, хархираа хөөмийнөөс уулын түргэн урсгалт голын түрлэг сонсогддог юм уу гэж анзаарч эхэлсэн юм.

Хэн дуулав гэдэг нь дуулж байгаа хүний дуулах ур чадвараас гадна сэтгэл зүрхээ шингээж байгаа үгүйтэй нь ч холбоотой байдаг байх. Аль нэг нь дутвал тэгээд л биш болчих шиг санагддаг. Миний хувьд солгой хоолойтой хүн дуулахаар чихээ дармаар болдог байтал буурал дээдсүүд маань сэтгэл нь хэр шингэж байгааг илүү чухалчилдаг бололтой. Бууралтай золгоод дуу өргөх хүмүүсийн зарим нь “Одоо боль боль” гэж хэлмээр санагдтал дуулах ч дуустал сонсоод “сайхан дууллаа” гэх. Тэгсэн мөртөө “Энэ чинь аятайхан хоолойтой хүн үү” гэж бодтол “сэтгэл нь дутаад байна” гэж хэлэх. Энэ бүхнийг бичиж байхад жилийн өмнөтэй (2012 оны 4 сар) Дээдсээр засал хийлгэхэд хэлж байсан үг нь санагдав. Өргөөний гишүүд цуглаад, олуул байсан болохоор Дээдэс дуу дуулуулж засал хийхээр болсон юм. Бид хэд ч байдгаараа л хичээгээд “Тэнгэр ээж минь өршөө” дууг дуулцгаав. Гэтэл Дээдэс “та нарын сэтгэл дутаад байна. Ахиад дуул” гэлээ. Ахиж дуулахдаа бид жинхэнэ сэтгэлээсээ дуулсан бололтой энд тэндгүй мэгшин, дуугаа дуусгалгүй нусаа татах нь сонсогдож байсан юм. Тэгээд л “Өмнө хийсэн алдаа эндэл бүрийнхээ төлөө жинхэнээсээ өршөөл эрж, сэтгэлээсээ дуулсан болохоор засал нь хүрлээ” хэмээн айлдаж байсан юм.

За тэгээд энэ бичлэгийг минь унших нэгэн байваас дуун заслын тухай багахан ч болов ойлголттой болог хэмээн өндөрлье.

Friday

Tenger Mongol Gazar 8


...Since that day, different universe had opened its door to me and I am still struggling to learn and understand about it. I had no idea how sacred was the bloodline for a person. Because I grew up with only one grandmother and barely knew the other one. About grandfathers, I had no idea who they were. Out of somewhere, many unknown spirits, whose names were only on history textbooks, had come out and declared themselves to be my ancestors. And I tried my best to follow what they told me to do. Suddenly, one day, another spirit came to me and asked “Who is your Great Khaan of Mongols?”. When I answered his name was “Chinggis Khaan”, that spirit told me “then I am that Khaan. From now on, I will be your second head spirit”. With great awe. I asked him “then what should I prepare to welcome you? What kind of throne do you want?”. To my surprise, he simply told me that “I am not here to eat and drink, or to enjoy your admiration. But I am back to deliver the will of Tenger”.

I think such time will come to the history of mankind. Everybody has to feel and accept the Tenger, the Truth, the real son of Tenger, and his immeasurable power. Who is the real owner of the earth? Is it human beings? NO. Those whoever breaks the divine law of nature, will face the rightful judgement of heaven. Others who follow the path shown by Tenger will deserve the merit. Since I become a host for Great Khaan's spirit, my whole life had been changed 180 degrees. He taught me totally different ethics, moral values and disciplines. What he did was exact opposite of what I imagined about shamans earlier. He ordered me to throw out all vodkas and “hadag”(piece of long linen, usually blue ones are used in Mongolia)s. He taught me how to consult with Tenger, Sun, Moon, Stars, King of Hell, King of Mountains and Naga King in order to solve the big deals. All other rules and regulations I have heard and seen related with other shamans were not there, they were not applicable to me. I was allowed to touch red meat and others, I was not required to do the Mountain rituals etc. And all these things have made me to realise what the word “Khaan” (King) means. Khaan title is given to those special ones who can do everything on his own, who can lead others by his own example, but it does not mean to have authority to employ others and treat them badly. I am really pampered by this special right and thankful to our Khaan for making me his host, the special shaman, not an ordinary shaman. Only through his presence, now I have special power and title granted by Tenger, which equals to the one of King, and have no restrictions except a few.

Since I am a new shaman, who was initiated a few months ago, I had many chances to witness the extraordinary power of great spirits and I sincerely appreciate and respect my Ancestors and the Will of Tenger. I know without their help, my physical body is simply not able to perform such tasks. Despite of their immense wisdom and power, they always remind me to be humble. I learn how to behave properly from my Khaan. As days pass, I realise what a great (heavy) responsibility was given to me by Tenger and by my ancestors. I am the main responsible person to carry out their heritage and tasks.

There is a saying that “Shaman's summons are varied just as rabbits jump in different lengths” and I realise how true is this. Every human being have distinct characters and interests, and similarly, every clans and tribes have their own traditions and values. Since my son became a shaman, I started reading about the shamanic traditions. Even I demanded my son to read and learn from those books. When he ignored my request to memorise some chanting verses, I told about it to his master. The response from the master astonished me. He said there is no need to memorise any verses. Because my son's ancestor spirits compose such verses, which could be done by only truly talented poets.

As a preparation for shamanic initiation for my son, I had made a shamanic deel (costume) which has open armpit, using very expensive silk. But when his spirits were summoned by his master, they have ordered to make totally different deel and other clothes by giving very specific details on how to make them. That is how I spent a good sum of money on useless thing. After that, I had made other deels and accessories for my cousin and for my own initiation, only then I understood that each spirit has own specific demands for his/her wearing. And this specific differences regarding clothes, accessories, weapons and rituals vary from clan to clan, tribe to tribe. My son's ancestors told me not to waste my time by reading books on shamanism when I was preparing myself to become a shaman. Even though that time seems to be wasted, I learnt that shamanism can not be approached as a static belief, there is no absolute right or wrong and no extremism should be applied to it.


It should be taken into account that due to diversity of shamanism, many people make it as a tool to make money. According to Khaan's message, everybody should strive for the enlightenment by widening and purifying own view on life, use different perspectives to decide on something, and be your own master. Individuals are the basic unit of the society, which shape families, and then families form the State, therefore individuals should educate themselves regarding the Tenger and his will. I was ordered to convey that message to each and every person on earth Mongolian, that is why I am writing all these stories. To raise Tenger educated individuals, every mother should sing lullabies to give love and compassion, and every parent should tell folk tales to strengthen the wisdom of their children. Today's children, who are the next generation of Mongolians, will be responsible for the rise and revival of Tengerism. Our generation will be written in future history for evaluating the current situation and commencing an outstanding endeavour to spread the words and wills of Tenger, starting the changes from themselves. This amazing Mongolian wisdom, which Khaan has ordered to spread, entails all the knowledge of art of living, of mastering over own destiny, and of ways to reach enlightenment through which all the evils will be destroyed. Because this wisdom had endured the test of time and inherited to us from generation to generation.

As a product of socialist ideology which taught “everybody, since the childhood, has to...”, I was a real atheist and never believed in anything before touching by hand. I had been living average life, cried and laughed just like others. But, all of sudden, I have become a medium of Tenger and writing my own history... Now I have different lens to look at life. While taking a breath, I really can feel the air, and while drinking water, I deeply appreciate its value. I feel deep love towards my surrounding environment, because now I know that sun and moon, mountains and clouds, flowers and trees, all have souls and spirits, and I can talk with them. Tenger has own spirit and when he talks to me, I can not stop my tears, because I really feel his love. Ignoring my age, now I can play with my father and other great grandparents whom I never saw. Because I can feel their love and affection towards me.

After feeling and sending so much love and affection back and forth, I noticed that I have got changed a lot within. My anger was reduced so much that I feel now lot more happier. Because I know that after my death, I will return to earth in the form of spirit and would be calling some old lady as my child. I witnessed that spirits do return to earth to protect his/her children because of their love. Just like my own ancestors, I would be having the same feelings for my offspring. And that is why I truly believe in my ancestors and will of Tenger... (to be continued) 

Wednesday

Хүсэл болоод дадал


Улаач хүмүүн өндөр дээд тэнгэрээс, өөр ертөнцөөс мэдлэгийг олж авч дамжуулдаг гэнэм. Мөн онгод тэнгэрүүдээ биедээ залахад тэд нь өөрсдийн оршин буй ахуйгаасаа эгэл бидний мэдэх болоод мэдэхгүй тэр л дээд үнэнг, дээд нууцуудаас хуваалцдаг гэнэм.

Гэтэл миний бие тэр нууцад хүрэх хараахан болоогүй бололтой. Түүнд хүрэхээсээ өмнө өөрийн бие болоод ухааныг тодорхой нэгэн түвшинд хүртэл бэлдэх ёстой юм болов уу гэх бодол төрөх. Тиймээс л энд тэндээс мэдээлэл, мэдлэг болчих зүйлсийг олоод авчих санаатай хайсаар бидэрнэ. Дуслыг хураавал далай, дуулсныг хураавал эрдэм болно гэдэг дээ...

Өвөг дээдсээс маань өвлүүлэн үлдээсэн “Алтан Судар”-аас бяцхан оюунаа тэльюү хэмээн уншихаар оролдовч хараа гүйн унших мэт боловч, ухаан санаанд торж үлдсэн нь тун чиг хомс. Түүнийг ойлгуулахад дөхөм болж чадах өмнөх шат  нь “Гэрлийн өргөө”-ний гишүүн гэгдэх бидний хувьд Аянгат удганыхаа болон өөр бусад улаачдынхаа тэмдэглүүдийг унших болой. Нартын үрсийн хэлээр бичигдсэн болохоор ухаж ойлгоход арай дөхөм байдагт нь шимтэн шимтэн уншдаг билээ. Авах хүнд ганц үг ч бол эрдэм, хаях хүнд мянган сургаал ч нэмэргүй гэх утгатай зүйлсийг хаа нэгтээ сонсож байсан болохоор аль болох л санаж сэрж, хичээн мөрлөж амьдралаа зохицуулахыг оролдоно.

Алдхан бие, атгахан тархиа өөрийн бодлоор захирч амьдарч байгаа мэт санагдах ч үнэхээр тэгж чадаж байна уу гээд ажихаар үгүй ажээ. Хүслээсээ гадуур дадал болсон зүйлсээ хамгаас түрүүн хийгээд байгаагаа ажлаа. Өвгөдийн сургаалаар амьдрах зам мөрөө өөрчилье гэх хүсэл төрсөн хэдий ч багахан чармайлтыг минь их дадал хойш нь түлхээд л хаячих юм. Гэхдээ гарах уулынхаа оргилыг товлож хараад, бэлд нь очсон байхад дээш авирах, эсвэл тэндээ суугаад үлдэх, эсвэл бүүр болиод өөр уул руу явах энэ бүх сонголт зөвхөн миний л гарт...

Friday

Анхны сэтгэгдэл


Сүүлийн хагас жилийн дотор юу юу болоод өнгөрөв дөө? Тэмдэглэл гэдгийг өдөр бүр бичиж байх учиртай юм гэнэ лээ. Гэтэл би хагас жилдээ нэг бичиж байна, гэхдээ энэ бол тийм ч их сүртэй асуудал биш. Завгүй л байсан юм байгаа биз. Харин одоо ингээд бичээд сууж байх цаг гарсан нь их юм даа...

8-р сарын сүүл хэсгээс уг авах цаг нь  наашиллаа хэмээн ааг амьсгаагүй нааш цааш гүйж, хуяг хувцас, бусад  зүйлсээ бэлдэв. 9 сарын эхний долоо хоногтоо багтан хээр гарч, 3 андын хамт Зөвлөх удганыхаа ивээл түшгээр тэнгэртээ босож билээ. Үнэндээ шахуулж байгаагаа ч мэдрэхгүй явсан над шиг хүнд буурлаа залсан хойно ч нэг их онцгой мэдрэмж төрөөгүй юм. 

Анх бууж ирэхдээ олон янзаар их л чанга дуугаар хэнгэтэл уйлаад, би өөрөө юу, буурал нь залраад уйлаа юу гэдгийг ялгаж мэдэхгүй байж билээ.  Өмнө нь сонсож байсан шиг мод тойруулан бахардтал гүйлгэж, ам руу архи цутгах мэтээр хүчээр буурлуудтай нь золгуулах биш харин ч аргадан дуулж, аялгуу эгшгээр урин байж залсан болохоор буурлууд маань залрахдаа уярсан байх гэж одоо бодогддог юм.

Амьдрал гээч нэг л өдөр огт өөр болно байх гэж, гайхамшгийг хүлээсээр... Гэвч тийм зүйл ховор бололтой. Буурлууд буулаа гээд хамаг юмыг орвонгоор нь , тэр даруй өөрчлөнө гэж байхгүй аж. Жаахан хүүхэд мэт үлгэрт гардаг гайхамшиг бий болно гэж итгэсээр л байтал үнэндээ тэрхүү үлгэр нь хэдий хугацаанд болсон явдлыг хэдий хугацааны дотор энгийн бидэнд таниулах гэж хэр богиносгож, хэр танаж үлдээснийг бид хэрхэн мэдэх билээ...

Tuesday

Tenger Mongol Gazar 7


...I had everything, nothing to miss in material terms. But still something was missing inside and it was happiness. There were sickness and problems. Despite of my sincere attempts, I was failing. Then I started to approach different religions for help. I supported my husband to become a Christian and kept my regular visit to Gandan (Buddhist monastery) to order the prayers for my family. On my way to Gandan, I used to visit and ask for help from all those who promised that they can help. Then I went to shaman also. All of them told me that after their rituals, everything will be fine and I believed them. However, all of these were just a mere vain. Because I didn't have real faith and all of them lacked the truth. And this is also what has happened to human history. Is search for the help and truth, they have founded many religions, and chose to follow what seemed to be the sincerest to them. However, none of them helped me.

And suddenly one day I was told by a shaman that I have to become a shaman. But I didn't understand anything due to my ignorance. That time, my perception about shamans was that they are invited to somewhere, usually at night and do something to work out with demons while drinking alcohol, so I didn't want to follow such lifestyle. Plus, I never saw a demon nor a ghost, so I didn't understand such things. However, I was totally in shock when heard that my son also has to become a shaman, if not, he will die. I wouldn't dare to lose my dear son just because of my stubbornness and ignorance. When I witnessed that ill prophecy, I was requesting those ghosts not to hurt and kill my son and promised to give them everything what they wanted. But I just forget what I promised when my son gets well. And it gets repeated, when he gets sick, I would offer whatever I have, and then forget. This cycle had lasted almost a decade.

The same cycle is being repeated in history of human beings. Just like me, everybody is lost. Most of them don't know what is spirit and what is difference between God and demon. If something bad happens, they go to church and pray. If everything goes well, they just forget about the God. For example, if one gets sick, first goes to a doctor. If doctor can't help, then goes to monk. If that also fails, then goes to shaman. Many of us can't see Tenger and demon. If it happens that someone can see it, everybody including that person would think that it was a mental disorder and prefers to go to psychiatric hospital.

In my personal life, I had to face the worst in order to accept the truth. Grievance over the loss of my first grandchild had opened my eyes and forced me to make up my mind. In order to save my son, we agreed to make him a shaman, which was our last hope. Since then, it's been over a year and we are now used to live with those ghosts in our home. I was hoping that since we have accepted and made our son a shaman, now it is time to live happily ever after. But unfortunately, that was not the end. This time, it was me who fell sick and even couldn't move myself. I didn't want to become a shaman and preferred death, so I was discreetly preparing for suicide. But I had to give up this idea, when ancestral spirits of my son told me that I wouldn't die, instead I would get insane. Losing my sanity would be worse than the death. So I had no choice, but to become a shaman, to accept my ghosts. Luckily, during that one year, I got to know about the ghosts of my son. They were different from what I imagined before. They didn't drink alcohol, didn't like to go somewhere else, but were really jolly to be with. Their sharp mind and clear wisdom was really adorable. Finally I gave up calling them as “ghosts” but started revering to them as “Ancestors”. From them, I learnt that not every spirits are same. Since our ancestors demanded strict disciplined attitude from us, we had to control each and every move and word we made in front of them.

After a year, I became a shaman myself... (to be continued)

Monday

Tenger Mongol Gazar 6


...Chinggis Khaan had shown us how to pray to and get blessed by Tenger. He used to worship and respect the nature, and demonstrated how to protect and live in harmony with nature. Why I am repeating all these things again and again? Buddha, Jesus, Mohamed, Chinggis, all were messengers of Tenger who took the form of regular human being. All of them conveyed messages from Tenger and taught others how to live properly. One can find same things, such as the existence of God, spirits, heaven and hell, good and evil, this and after life, and right behaviours etc. from any of those teachings. Even before these messengers came into the earth, human beings had existed in the world, they all used to eat, breath and die. Shamans also had existed with them. It is obvious that along with the human evolution, new ways of living and thinking had been discovered, so it is important for us to learn and understand the process of history, so that we can move forward without much confusion.

I have witnessed the process of historical evolution in my life. That has shaped me as it is now. Because people get more convinced about what they have seen and felt. However, this is a bit one sided. Other people could have different feelings and views, so one should respect and try to understand each other. Since it is impossible to expect all people to be same, diversity makes life more interesting.

My life till 2005 was the dark age of my life, without the knowledge of shamanism. I was only living for myself, following the stream, without considering about the purpose of this life. To live happy was limited with my today's food and cloth. And I think that part of my life can be compared to the primitive age of human history.

After for a while when I looked around, people were having different life. So I tried to catch them up and used all my abilities to live better than them. But my need had not been satisfied at all. All my fingers had golden rings, but I was bored from them. Even I lost the number of my clothes and don't remember what I wore yesterday. All what I bought was now just a pile of garbage. Human history is witnessing such period at the moment. Everybody is running after material consumption, competing through what they are using and wearing. Money has become the mean and purpose of the life. The gap between the rich and poor has widened enormously. In few words, quest for physical pleasure is overwhelming all...  (to be continued)